apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
