I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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