ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
