she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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