I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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