apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
