im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
