I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I woke up under a house in Key West
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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