whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
