you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
