I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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