Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
