it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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