Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
