Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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