can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
This is my gift to your gina
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
