Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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