belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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