From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
