ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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