ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
40s are totally the cure
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize
