I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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