Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
