I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
