let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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