I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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