I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
