rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
