I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
