Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Randomize
