Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
