i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize