went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
