i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
