girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize