i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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