i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
