SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
