is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
