She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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