I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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