This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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