He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
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