In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
