Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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