So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
We are all done wearing pants today
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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