i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
