So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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