Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
