Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Im part way to drunk.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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