were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
