I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
