remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
So squirting runs in the family.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
