Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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