first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
