i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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