I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
