just tell him i said nine months
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
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