Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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