she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
