Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize