New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
