So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So I just went to clothing optional bar
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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