somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
