I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
