I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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